guns and ammo and pablo neruda

Some of the things I will put on here are going to be massively boring. At least that’s what I fear. For example, I’m currently in the midst of writing something about language learning and what kind of process that’s been like for me so far. And it’s boring! With a capital ‘B’ Boring! So I don’t think it’s very good if it manages to bore me, the writer. But it’s something important to me and relevant to my life here and I’d like for you to share in the experience with me. Unfortunately, instead of being interesting it’s just a piece of writing that really stinks and I don’t want you to be apart of that. The root of the matter, I realize though, is that I’m just uncomfortable with the thought that I might present myself as dull.

This makes me think about the nature of the concept of boring and interesting and one could argue that they are relative to the individual. My dad’s Guns and Ammo holds just about as much interest for me as a boiled egg does. And likewise, my love for Pablo Neruda holds no special area of his heart. On a side note, though, I think we both have a strong appreciation for good food, funny things, and traveling - amongst other things.

One of the most useful quotes I’ve come across recently that specifically relates to this notion of what makes a person interesting vs boring goes like this: “…‘I am an individual, and I am interesting because I like interesting things.’ But that’s not true. Liking interesting things doesn’t make you interesting.*”My dad is not interesting because he likes Guns and Ammo and building houses and going on African safaris. My dad is interesting because he’s Marvin and he enjoys living life and adding as much good to the world as he can in the best way he knows how. It’s his character, with all its beauties and flaws, that people find themselves being enriched by.

I’m still convinced that what I’ve written about language learning is altogether nondescript - and who’s to say this chatter isn’t a good snore? But, I’m also convinced that despite what I fear is boring is not exactly a direct translation of who I am and what I’m like. I don’t want to wear my interests like a mask to hide insecurities about my character and understanding of life. I know a person who is incredibly intelligent and uses that intelligence to hide the fact that there are several missing pieces in his life that make it relevant to reality and truth. His entire identity is based on a type of person he wishes and works to portray because he doesn’t think he has anything else to offer.

I’ve been like that before. In fact, I’ve spent a large portion of my life in a similar way as his. And truthfully, it’s an incredibly empty and transparent way to exist (and you realize this even as you’re living it!). Also, as one who loves Christ and is running the race, if my existence cannot point back to His perfect, immeasurable and loving goodness, than I am living it according my own standards with my eyes on the perishable and not the preservable.

I might go back and try to re-work what I have written about learning Mongolian - try to juice it up and add a little pizzazz. Or I might just let it be and post it in all its honest, trappings-less, boringness. Life is lackluster sometimes. I might not even post it at all now that I’ve hyped it up so much. What I hope for is that you’ve made it this far in the log and have enjoyed your time. That the sun is shining or the stars are out. That you have a thankful heart, that you have turned out the mercy and grace you live in towards others, and that there is good ice cream in your freezer. Now is the perfect time to go have some.




*Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie, “The Meaning of Life”, Paste Magazine, Issue 42, May ‘08