old lang zyne

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Robert Burn's Original Scots Verse:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !
and surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We twa hae run about the braes,and pu’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot,
sin auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.
CHORUS
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS

English Verse:
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne, we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS


For Those Who Enjoy the Scot Accent - Scottish Pronunciation:
Shid ald akwentans bee firgot,
an nivir brocht ti mynd?
Shid ald akwentans bee firgot,
an ald lang syn?
CHORUS:
Fir ald lang syn, ma jo,
fir ald lang syn,
wil tak a cup o kyndnes yet,
fir ald lang syn.
An sheerly yil bee yur pynt-staup!
an sheerly al bee myn!
An will tak a cup o kyndnes yet,
fir ald lang syn.
CHORUS
We twa hay rin aboot the braes,
an pood the gowans fyn;
Bit weev wandert monae a weery fet,
sin ald lang syn.
CHORUS
We twa hay pedilt in the burn,
fray mornin sun til dyn;
But seas between us bred hay roards
in ald lang syn.
CHORUS
An thers a han, my trustee feer!
an gees a han o thyn!
And we’ll tak a richt gude-willie-waucht,
fir ald lang syn.
CHORUS


Sing it loud, sing it proud!


Happy New Year.


***

fruitcake in my stocking

***

phenomenon #5 – Eggnog and Fruitcake

The fifth and final Christmas phenomenon (for this season at least) involves two traditional holiday treats people either completely love or absolutely hate. It’s a rarity to find someone wavering between the two extremes and converts to either side just don’t exist. This kind of polarity and their ‘unique’ mix of respective ingredients are what give them a rightful phenomenal status on the thirsty camel.


Eggnog
Sugar, milk, whipping cream, nutmeg, cinnamon - it doesn’t matter how you dress it up, you’re still drinking raw eggs mixed with hard liquor. Because of this, I have a strong suspicion, despite what historians say, that eggnog came about as the result of a very clever dare…

Fruitcake
For many, fruitcake is like the dentist of holiday treats: an uncomfortable reality you have to come to terms with at least once a year. Little known by the general population, Santa once used fruitcake instead of coal to fill the stockings of bad children. But he had to stop when he realized the naughty ones were making a good business by selling it to their parents (because, as we all know, adults love to eat the things kids hate – ie lima beans). Unfortunately, this business flourished and fruitcake is now interwoven into our Christmas consciousness.

There are others, though, who consider a loaf of spongy bread filled with alcohol-soaked fruit bits and teeth shattering nuts nothing short of mouth euphoria. Weirdos for sure, but without them to make a case for the squishy Cake of Fruit, a little piece of what makes the Christmas season unique would be lost.



With that, I hope your Christmas of 2009 was warm and cuddly as an ugly Christmas sweater, bright and hopeful like a house covered in Christmas lights, delicious and messy like Christmas cookies, not as naughty as the suggestive Christmas song but just as unique as eggnog and fruitcake.

Merry Christmas.

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Bing Crosby Is For Saps

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phenomenon #4 – The Suggestive Christmas Song

There are Christmas songs about many things: roasted chestnuts, white Christmases, silent nights, making the Yule tide gay, shiny-nosed reindeers, all ye faithful, jingle bells, dummer boys, lords a-leaping and maids a-milking, Emmanuel, heaven’s breath, and oriental kings. To a good majority of the population Christmas songs are pretty irritating. But none of them are quite as uncomfortable as the suggestive Christmas song. Who would have thought that Santa Claus (sorry Jesus) could be the ultimate ladies’ man?

I’ve found that this particular genre can be divided into a two-pronged rating system based mostly on innuendo count and overall meaning. These are some examples:

PG – Pretty Gross
Stay A Little Longer Santa – Shemekia Copeland
Let’s see, this is a song about a very lonely woman who wants to seduce Santa. After flattering him profusely and confessing that she’s spent all her money on mistletoe, she boldly claims that she knows “how to make you {Santa, that is} very jolly.” I don’t know, can’t quite imagine the carolers singing this one at your door.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Although this child should be traumatized after watching his mom and Santa make out, he doesn’t seem too concerned about the fact that he’s witnessing an extra-marital affair between his mommy and a fictional holiday character. I’m sure the trauma will manifest itself later when he finds out Christmas morning that his presents are terrible.

Santa Baby – Marilyn Monroe
Good, old Marilyn Monroe! Way to use your womanly wiles to attempt extracting expensive and extravagant gifts from a jolly, old fellow who just wants to get home to his wife at the end of the night.

Merry Christmas, Baby
This song is mostly respectable and not very naughty even though the words vary depending on the performer. All of them sing about being treated nicely by their respective babies, kissing under the mistletoe and being in paradise; other versions, however, include edgy bits about not having had a drink all evening but being “lit up like a Christmas tree.” At least Santa gets a break in this song from creepy ladies trying to seduce him.

I’ll Be Your Santa, Baby – Rufus Thomas
Although the verses make icky use of chimneys and toys, most of this song just repeats “I’ll be your Santa, baby” or some variation of it. I have to give credit to Mr. Thomas for including this gem of a line: “Don’t let the whitey be your Santa Claus, ‘cause I want to be your Santa.”


R – Ridiculously Horrible
Christmas Tree – Lady Gaga
I feel dirty just looking at the title of this song. So, congratulations Lady Gaga: you are not only a weirdo but a perv, too!

I’ve Got Some Presents for Santa – Sarah Taylor and Bill Mumy
This gets the award for most disturbing imagery/language in a Christmas song. Go ahead and put that “trophy” on your “shelf” Sarah and Bill.


PS: suggestive songs are only the tip of the Awkward Christmas Song ice berg. There’s also Depressing Christmas Songs (like 'River') and Violent Christmas Songs (like 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer') .

I smell a compilation album…



***

cookies

***

phenomenon #3 – Christmas cookies

At first, there seems nothing strange about the tradition of baking Christmas cookies every December. But upon closer examination, Christmas cookies are very weird. We play with our food, decorate it real nice, then digest it. And if that doesn’t convince you of the Christmas cookie’s phenom status, consider what shapes and objects they tend to be made into.

Example one – Human beings:
That’s right. We make and eat cookies that look like people. From the generic masses of gingerbread men and women to more specific holiday characters like Santa, elves and angels. What’s even creepier is that most of the time, these cookies are given smiling faces. Ignorant grins, actually – as they have no idea their heads are about to be bitten off.




Example two – Houses
And if we haven’t caused enough trouble by eating whole populations of gingerbread people, we now turn to eating their homes. And when we’re finished with their homes, why don’t we eat a nice, cozy nativity scene for good measure.

Example three – Clothing
How about stuffing your mouth with a few socks this year? Or a couple mittens, perhaps? Maybe a nice, fluffy hat or new pair of skates? Either way, if you can’t wear it, you can eat it. If only someone would invent an ugly Christmas sweater cookie…

Example four – Exotic Animals
Enjoy a reindeer or dove; snatch the donkey, sheep, or camel from the nativity scene – because in real life, these animals may taste a bit gamey, but as Christmas cookies they’re nothing short of fabulous.

Example five – Vegetation
Now, if eating cookies in the likenesses of poor, defenseless creatures makes you woozy, have no fear, there are other, more vegetarian-friendly options like Christmas trees, wreaths, holly and ivy, and scrumptious poinsettia blossoms.

Example six – Too Pretty or Cute to Eat
There’s always someone, some year who makes something so elaborate and unique no one is allowed to touch it – that is until Dad can’t take it anymore and dives in or it becomes its own penicillin factory.

Example seven – Glass, Flames, Electricity
For you daredevils, feel free to eat all the flaming candles, holiday ornaments and Christmas lights you desire without fear of death or injury (unless you choke on them or get into some kind of fight while eating them)

Example eight – Creepy, Ugly Mess-ups
Of course the season wouldn’t be right if you didn’t mess something up. Either it burns, has too much salt, is made without flour or with too much rum, has a goopy middle or a rock-hard crust, or just plain hideous - you can be sure someone is bound to bake up a gnarly treat no one’s touching.

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light displays

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phenomenon #2 - rediculous light displays

covering one's home with hundreds of dollars worth of energy sucking strings of tiny light bulbs until it looks like giant, blinking ball of electricity came onto the scene round about the same time as the christmas sweater; although the idea existed far before this in the minds of several middle-aged, suburbanite men. they were just waiting for their wives to come around.

the trend has been perfected throughout the years, spawning state-level contests and the scorn of competitive neighbors. It has even been known to successfully bridge the gaps between the secular and religious with the popularized use of inflatables and glowing plastic effigies of santas and manger scenes.

these are some of the internet's finest google-search examples of holiday light displays. they are truly inspirational....

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ugly sweaters

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one of the benefits of living overseas is having the ability to analyze your own culture from the outside. often you realize how freaky-weird-tacky many things are about it. none are so garishly fantastic then some of the phenomenons found at christmas time.

so, during the next two weeks i'll try my best to point out some of these marvels - specifically ones that most mongolians would find quite mystifying.

phenomenon #1 - the ugly christmas sweater.

legend has it that the ugly christmas sweater came about after a drunken bet between a wiry, old, poker playing grandma and a certain, high profile governmental spy about 25 years ago. the specifics are unclear, but not long after this incident the first ugly christmas sweater made its debut at a rowdy office party in springfield, nebraska and holiday wear would never be the same again. case(s) in point:

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