sweaty rage

My friend and I took a cab one night on our way home from a meeting and chatted about our teaching experiences. One of the things we brought up was the “secret well of rage” that always seems to surface when you’re in the classroom. It’s secret because you are unaware of its existence until you give your students directions, expect them to comply, and they don’t. And after this happens on a consistent basis, you go mad. Next thing you know, you’re yelling and sweating and stomping around and contemplating failing the entire class. My friend said “it’s that frustration of someone going against your will all the time.”

I thought out loud to my friend, “I wonder about God, then; having an entire world go against his will – even the ones who love him. We only deal with classrooms of 20 and our wills are imperfect. And I’m pretty sure the students don’t really like me anyway.”

Later, I thought about this planet and the lives that inhabit it. A place so filled with disobedience with so few examples of obedience. I thought about God being angry about this. I kept thinking: an angry God. I felt a little uncomfortable thinking of him this way. When I pray, I don’t say things like, “Thank you for being gracious and faithful and angry.” But then, why shouldn’t I be thankful that God gets angry at disobedience, at sin, at corruption? After all, Jesus was not sent on behalf of my obedience, but on behalf of my sin.

Ah, so there it is.

God is angry. But the remarkable and beautiful difference is in his complete and utter perfection. He is always, relentlessly aiming for redemption. It’s clear that he delights in working mercy and forgiveness for each person as we all share in the same disobedient nature (Proverbs 29:13 or Psalm 74:12 or I Samuel 2:6-8 – shocking!). God’s love and God’s anger are inextricable – maybe parents can understand this a little easier than others. I have clear definitions of love and anger, but I’m starting to rethink their accuracy. Frankly, I’m limited and flawed. Every perspective I have subsequently falls under those parameters. It’s unfortunate, but leaves me in a beautiful position. In I Corinthians, it says the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. If this is true, God’s anger and love are truly two constantly, often painfully misperceived things (but not wholly incomprehensible!).

A long time ago, Jesus walked through the temple and completely disrupted business by overturning tables and accusing people of stealing (which was true). The temple wasn’t built for conducting business and certainly not to cheat and deceive people. The temple was God’s home and Jesus wanted to restore it to its true state. I’m thankful that when Jesus walked through the temple he recognized – and was furious at – the disobedience flourishing there and immediately removed it and kept it removed*. I’m not often prone to welcome it, but I am thankful he does the same thing in me. And that he longs to do the same thing in every person.

Even after a couple weeks, I’m still thinking about this strange, redemptive angry-love of God’s. I’m fascinated by the perfection with which he executes it. I wonder how it would look if I had angry-love like his.

And then I find out no one has done their homework…




*Mark 11:15